When I get bored at work, I browse around YouTube for inspirational videos. I came across one that defined enlightenment as "leaping beyond all fear". “Wouldn't that be great”, I thought to myself. I'd love to leave all my fears behind, live in a place of peace where nothing threatening ever comes my way. Of course there is a state that's just like that. It’s called being dead!

As long as we're here with our feet on the ground, there's always going to be challenges that shake, rattle, and roll us. Some of these are small and easily reconciled. Other circumstances present much larger obstacles.

When life gets challenging, I immediately look down for my safety nets. Four specific ones come to mind. My job, my house, my dogs, and my wife. Three years ago I was laid off from work. I'd been doing it for 12 years. It was comfortable. It was safe. And then it was gone.

About a year ago, my wife and I made the decision to rent out our house. We didn't want to lose it to foreclosure, and paying the mortgage every month was preventing us from saving money for the future. So I said goodbye to my best refuge.

Then in October, my Golden Retriever, my very sweet boy Kirby, suddenly got sick from cancer. It was as if he was calling out to me, "Mom, help me." I had to say goodbye to him for his own sake. Three down, one to go.

My wife and I now spend weekdays apart. When I see her on weekends, I hold her so close. “I cannot lose you”, I whisper to her. “I'll always be here”, she whispers back. Yet I know in my heart that's not true. Nobody lives forever. Life is temporary. One day I may very well be alone.

It’s time to put the big girl pants on! What if I do end up losing my last safety net? The thought terrifies me, but I need to face it. I look myself in the mirror and ask, “Who am I?”

"I love the friends I've gathered together on this thin raft." Jim Morrison

I love my friends, too. In my philosophical moments, I compare each of them to animal spirits. Mary is my bear - nurturing and protective, strong and devoted. I recently reconnected with a best buddy from high school. She reminded me of a dolphin - playful and vibrant, social and friendly. Another friend is a butterfly, colorful and bright, she teaches me about impermanence and transformation, encouraging me to take a leap forward.

While all of these metaphors are beautiful, they're no substitute for real life. And I'm still left to wonder, who am I?

I took one of those silly online quizzes, the ones that tell you things like, "if you were a dog, what dog would you be". For animal spirits, the internets said I was either an owl or a hawk. I dismissed the owl idea. I'm not that wise; at least, not yet. The hawk, though, is known as "the messenger of the sky", symbolized as awareness and perspective, insight and vision. What a beautiful description. But could it be me?

After my recent trip to Texas, I came home emotionally drained. It was one of those visits when all of our energy aligned and we found ourselves very honest and open. That's one scary place to be. I reacted as a child and quickly searched out another place of safety. Could I cling to my friends? Should I hide in my partner's arms? Once again, I looked in the mirror. Who am I?

Then I remembered something Maya Angelo once said to Oprah...

“You alone are enough.”

I take a deep breath and look at myself with open eyes. At this moment, I am a hawk. A young bird perched at the edge of my nest. I know I have the wings to fly, yet I'm still scared. A crazy thought pops into my head. I’m afraid I could be the very first bird ever to attempt flight and plummet harshly to the ground. I know every other hawk can fly, but what if I can't?

I laugh out loud! How silly! And how selfish. The bird was meant to fly for its own needs, but also for the beauty it brings to the sky. What messages could I bring if I let go of my fear? What sort of insights do I carry without even knowing? The potential lies in the distance, upon the nearest horizon.

We each have our own perspective, our own vision. Some are hawks, some are bears, some are butterflies, some are birds. But the beauty and potential exists in every one of us. It’s there if we seek it. It’s there if we have the courage to look.

For me, I only need to spread my wings ... and fly.