Rarely do I set out to write a post that I know will give the reader absolutely nothing. I’ve spent the better part of my adult life writing, reading, meditating, and praying in an attempt to answer the world’s most pressing questions. Why are we here? Does life hold any meaning? And after years of searching, I have to admit I’ve come up with … nothing.

At times I have hit upon some poignant insights, some tricky little “ah-ha” moments that stun the reader into temporary silence. But I’ve never really nailed it.

“Theresa, that’s it! I can now carry on my life with the ease of knowing that every struggle really does have meaning and purpose. The grand search is over!”

And to those who deeply believe that their dogma holds all the answers, “Uh, sorry.” All beliefs carry some truth with them. True, but partial, because truth is far too enormous to be contained in words alone.

It’s a tired game of “belief” dodge ball. Try this. Try that. Trust me. Trust that. The idea isn’t to replace one belief system with another. It’s to question the assumptions inherent in each one. What do we actually know? What do we know with 100% certainty?

In the end, a belief is just a thought. “I am aware of my thoughts,” we tell ourselves, which means we can take an objective look at them. So who is this “I” that is doing the looking? Who am “I” without looking to a thought to tell me who I am?

Honestly? I don’t know.

The other day I sat down in my “Zen space”, a park bench overlooking a natural field of wildflowers and marsh land. “OK world”, I said out load, “Go on and tell me all I need to know. Answer my questions once and for all.” And so I listened. And I heard…nothing. Complete stillness. Birds were chirping, the wind blew softly through the grass, the faint sound of children’s laugher in the distance. I listened so carefully, so intently. But I never heard a word.

It’s evening now. The house is very quiet. Once again I’m surrounded by this stillness. I’ve given up on waiting for the answers to arrive. I rest in my bed and listen to the wind chimes sing in the night.

Stillness encompasses me; stillness in all directions, extending to infinity.

Who am I? Who am I without looking to a thought to tell me who I am?

The mind says,” I don’t know.”

In the stillness of the night, there’s nothing there. When all thoughts drop, there’s nothing there. The search has reached its logical conclusion, and all I can share with you … is nothing.