Broken open, I nervously pace the room. Frustrated, annoyed, over-caffeinated. There is too much energy here. I don't know where to place it.

Imagine you're on a roller coaster. You go over the largest peak, plummet towards the earth, and scream with exhilaration. How fun! Let's go again! So you do. Then again. And again. And when you say you've had enough, it doesn't stop. You feel like your soul is perpetually racing towards the ground. You're caught in that moment of anticipation right before you hit. It's always coming but never arrives.

I thought being open would feel good. It hurts like hell. Please, yank out my insides, really! That would feel a whole lot better than letting my dreams, my hopes, my fears lay exposed to the world this way. I've learned my lesson. How do I close this gap?

I cover my eyes and visualize the energy that surrounds me. There is no external source. This light is my own. Is it a fire that will burn my soul? Or a beacon that will guide me home?

A sudden realization clouds over me. This is my fear, enveloping me like a caterpillar wrapped tight by its cocoon. I cannot escape. I have no choice but to stare it down. I look at my fear directly, no filter. I recognize this. The fear is me.

What holds me now is only energy. I call it fear, but that is just one name. It can be called anger or rage, passion or love. It can be the fiercest enemy, or the gentlest friend. This energy is real and true. Yet its make-up and purpose are of my own making. What do I choose for myself, this cold January evening? Will I continue to run with the darkness and drama of fear? Or will I relax into the brightness of my very soul?

I've spent a lifetime running, searching for the truth. But what I was running from IS the truth. This energy is all that I am. All that I will ever be. Perhaps it had been too full for me to process before. Now I see the wholeness that is "I".

The terror begins to ease. I know I don't have all of the answers. None of us ever will. But we have this spirit resting within us. It is our true nature. And it is very, very good.